This Is It

the moment i've been waiting for since December...

it's been a lot of things 'round here; lonely, hopeful, quiet, stressful, occasionally inspirational with bouts of blocks... there have been times where the missing-you was almost crippling. and there have been spells where it seemed like you've barely been gone a minute, much less for months. but this whole experience wasn't about me. it was about you.

and may i say, you've done wonderfully. remember those first few days? you were so scattered, having to navigate this sprawling new place to find your family and friends. your first few shifts were monstrously stressful. all those things which school hadn't prepared you for, the realization that their ways of doing things weren't quite the ways you'd known, that sink-or-swim feeling... but you powered through it and had it under your thumb in no time.

seemed like every night when we'd talk you'd be on your way to, or just home from, a Trader Joe's or Whole Foods, and your meals sounded outstanding. you have no idea how resonant it was that you were eating well and taking care of yourself, and you looked a-maz-ingly gorgeous, radiant, from such a great diet, and all the exercise implicit in your work. when you ran outside at your uncle's house to give me a hug, i could barely speak. the phonecall with mom, though nice, had to end. you were here. i was there. we were together and the universe made sense again.

i got to see for myself what i'd been missing. not LA, which has its niceness but isn't for me. but you elevating yourself, starting a career, working very hard, and maintaining your health like a pro. and Hollywood didn't phase you, which is the raddest part. you kept your eye on the prize, being the best OTA you can be.

everybody, your parents and i, my parents, our friends, we're all incredibly proud of you. it took a big tub o' guts (Brando-stylee) to do what you did. you moved to The Big City, worked your ass off, and made a nice chunk of change doing it. you didn't go broke, you didn't go crazy, (permanently), you didn't run off and become a Mooney or a Hippie or a Ho or any of the other Weirdos people always 'warn' you about California. you redefined Kashka. you've evolved and become more focused, and more wise, from this experience. i look forward to carrying the torch and walking with you toward achieving all of our dreams, individual and shared.

and tonight, you come Home. people been asking me all week "are you excited" and of course "yeah" i am, but it hasn't really hit until now. i'm a little choked up, to be honest. we made it. we survived three and a half months apart. but there was never any doubt we would. i don't think anybody won any bets against our resilience. it never even felt like we were being tested, other than having to wait a while to see each other. OPP? nah, you know me. (and i know you). it ain't our type. really it was just a temporary departure in our 8-year, but still budding, history; one that would only strengthen us, and remind us of all the reasons why we're still, and always be, In Love. 

Yours without end,

b

untitled

 just checking in for a sec to say LRV U and travel safely on yr way north. i'm psyched you're coming home soon, and the next couple days will be preparations for your return (like finish a couple projects, household chores, a few special treats, etc). you'll be busy having a blast. i doubt you'll have a spare sec to read whatever drivel's spilling here .so i'm giving myself the next few days off, too, so's i can take care of bidness.

 here's a San Fransisco treat for you. have a groooooovy time!

LRV, b

For Those of You Who Might Be Counting

 She's home in 6 days. You may have her in 8. 

to you, my lady, all i can say at the moment is that i know these next few days are gonna be hectic, but they're also going to be fun as hell. you're gonna love San Fransisco. ooooh! you're calling!

LRV, b

note: the artist here is the Pointer Sisters, not DJ Food.

A Damn Fine Reason to Be Happy

a week from today will be a lovely day indeed. seems impossible to think any day could be nicer than today, and not just because today it's gorgeous outside and creative productivity is unusually plentiful. but next week Tuesday, when you come home for the first time in almost four months, everything will be wonderful and back where it belongs and whole new spring leaves will turn. 

so as a celebration, my 3 favorite good day songs...

 just one look at you, and i know it's gonna be

LRV, b

Suckers, Liars, Get Me a Shovel

keeping up to date on current events can be frustrating. for a long time i was content to be willfully under-informed, so as to not have to deal with the stress of processing all the bullshit happening around me. but, in essence, that's being part of 'the problem'. complacency, as a community, is dangerous and the Powers That Be kinda count on that as their cushion between their nefarious doings and what they sell to us.

since you've been gone, i've gotten into the routine of reading the BBC News app on the phone in the morning, between snooze alarms. also, during smokes at work, i regularly check in with other trust-worthy and seemingly-objective news organizations Democracy Now and the Raw Story. i feel like these organizations report fairly in that criticism is rarely in their establishment's rhetoric*. it's not like tv news, largely punditry, where somebody introduces a story, makes some snarky comment, and then goes on a tirade about how they, (and we should?), feel about it. and before you know it, BAM! it's in people's heads that way. Obama wants to kill our grandparents. Muslims hate our freedom. Socialized medicine is communism. We'll be standing in bread lines by fall. (*this afternoon, though, i read Juan Gonzalez refer to the mid-western union battles as an "assault on labor", which didn't bode well for objectivity. this is also the reason i do not like Michael Moore's films. he's too into his own crusades). 

i do enjoy the Stewart and Colbert again, thanks to their internet generosity. cable company, be damned! and they pretty much rewrote the book on snarky news punditry, elevating it to absorb satire, wicked sarcasm, criticism and comedy. Stewart tries to seem bilaterally critical but it's fairly obvious how he hangs. Colbert, on the other hand, has the stones to go after anyone just for being in his studio, keeping his personal politics ambiguous behind the show's Bizzarro-Conservative bent. but this is Comedy Central, it's not supposed to be information. it's entertainment.

so, yeah. s's f'd the h up. i don't like what i see. i don't like war planes over a place where we're supposed to be supporting peace. i also don't like crazy-ass dictators killing their own people just to prove a point, but fight fire with fire and pretty soon the whole world is burning. this is why the Arab world doesn't like us. it's not because we have Freedom and Jesus. it's because we keep blowing their shit up, and doing dirty business making very nasty people very rich by raping their resources. That's the kind of freedom they don't like. that, and Britney Spears.

and really, I think Obama fucked up bigtime. didn't we all learn, when Bush II did it, that planes dropping bombs over a sovereign country is an Act of War and, by Constitutional definition, only Congress can declare war, not the President? Bush got a UN resolution, too, by the way, but never an official declaration despite launching a campaign into Iraq. French planes may have been the first to drop over Libya, but ours are there too. i really like President Obama but this is gonna hurt. (Ralph Nader, the only candidate other than Obama whom i ever supported whole-heartedly, alluded recently to covert operations in Pakistan and Yemen; basically saying they can't do "no boots on the ground" in Libya because they got their best boots in Pakistan and Yemen stirring up no good. he's also calling "war crimes" on Obama, which is Constitutionally true but just pains my heart to hear).

it will be interesting to see the Conservative backlash from this, too, because they were all behind Bush's wars and they'll probably scream bloody murder on this one. they'll be fully aware of the hypocritical shit on their faces but they'll sell their outrage anyway. i say if you're gonna impeach Obama and try him on war crimes then you better round up Bush and Cheney, too. Condoleeza, Hillary, the whole gang.what's good for the goose, you know?

all the critics, you can hang 'em, i'll hold the rope.

LRV, b

These Metal Fingers Be Holdin' (Hot Sh!t)

dinner is good things, korean barbecue beef with green bell peppers, asparagus, and basmati rice.

it might look like a monster movie but it's deeeelicious!

mm food!


LRV, b

new hobby

used to think the masks and bandanas were because they were bad. now i know. fumes are a bitch.

LRV, b

What She Said

sorry i missed yesterday. my little art project consumed my afternoon and evening. and my tapes look rad. too bad they won't play. the reels won't turn. guess i used too much paint, and didn't block the toothy circles well enough. so now i have to record them ALL again. 3 of them. that's 4.5 hours of mixology. and god knows how many times i've had to/i will be go(ing) back to the beginning to start over until every transition is perfect. this ain't no build-a-playlist-and-walk-away bullshit. this is real-deal live person mixing... the likes of which i've always wanted to do but never had the means... until Traktor entered my life. on a related note, got my first bite on a possible wedding to DJ in May!



this is my Irish dedication to you, in honor of a "holiday" which is in my blood but not really my heart. (at least, not in the I Must Get Wasted Because It's St Patrick's Day way). even our little Jewish American Princess barmaid came to work dressed like a Irish Fairy Skeezer today, complete with green tutu and tiara. She got plenty of gawkers. i just rolled my eyes.

btw, also related, Prince tickets wound up being like $150. and i'm sure they're well over 300 now through brokers or scalpers. i still woulda done it if you wanted, but i don't feel so bad about missing it anymore.

but really what i want to say is That's What She Said. she = Sinead, and nothing compares to you, babygirl. I miss you

LRV, b

Finally, There's an Answer to This Question...

i know this one! it's SOON! like TWO WEEKS kinda soon! precious moments, indeed. of course, your Cali family will make your departure bittersweet, and i fully expect you to not want to leave San Fransisco after your visit (seriously, SF rules and three days ain't enough time, by far) but your parents and i, not to mention your legions of local fans, can't wait to have to back! getting goosebumps just thinkin' 'bout it.

and for anyone who thinks this song is cheesy, i say "you, sir or madam, can't recognize greatness" as the Three Degrees are freakin awesome. for all-female singing groups, i think they're as good, if not better, as the Supremes. The Supremes were on the cusp of the Motown wave, and we can never take their classics away from them, but all the "Baby Love"s and "Heat Wave"s in the world can never live up to the supreme lyrical surreality and total vocal control inherent in one "Collage". (plus, it's a natural head-nodder with spooky vibraphones, fuzz bass... all great things).



winter time is a razor blade that the devil made, it's the price we pay for the summertime..... fantastic.

LRV, b

Gone Writing...

gonna take the next few days off writing this blog to concentrate on College Application Essays. while this in no way reflects me taking days off loving or being devoted to you, i need time to concentrate on getting my shit together. i'll spare you the lamentations of how my job zaps me, daily, of motivation and inspiration. you'd think that that might light a fire under me to move mountains, NOW, but it does just the opposite. i hate to have my letters to you be even a temporary casualty because of this, (and i understand it's thin reasoning, at best), but this is simply an attempt to minimize distractions. my mixtape wave is almost done, and after that i have nothing immediately pressing, musically, so now is the time to get these essays written. i hope you understand.



will return on Monday,

LRV, b

Dolphins Into the Future

not to boast but i made music like this years ago. these guys are catching some serious press right now, too. an article in WIRE last year mentioned their near-impossible-to-find debut and follow-up, which have both just been reissued. mirror meaning: they're not so elusive to DL pirates anymore, so we're able to see what the fuss is about. and honestly, i like it but, a little part of me remembers all the hours i spent with the moog, theremin, and whales LPs making similar sounds and asks "where was all the press then?"

Swallowed by a Whale (aka: The Deep) by Donovan Quixote

maybe my titles aren't hip and weird enough. maybe it's because i never really pursue promoting anything. (most likely that).

or maybe it's because it's not a constant aesthetic, as if to say "to do it once is easy. to build a catalog with it takes endurance, patience, and innovation; lest the music becomes stale and redundant". this is what i like the most about Dolphins Into the Future. he/they? are exploring the possibilities in an extremely niche area; aquatic new age noise, superambient improv, yoga massage music. it doesn't get more esoteric than that. not to say The Mark of Quality is Obscurity, but you have to respect someone proudly flying their freak flag down their own path.

LRV, b

KAB + MxBx = LRV(b)

outside of family, there are two things that i love in this world: you, and Melt-Banana. if asked to choose, well.... let's just say i'd probably jump out of the boat if one of the three of us had to go to keep from sinking. the world would be fine without me, but couldn't suffer one without you(s). allow me to elaborate.

you and Melt-Banana share a few common traits:

1. You are Incredibly Unique. maybe i ain't been around the world but i can sure as hell say i've never met anyone like you. your magnetism is obvious, you draw all smiles. MB too. there's lots of spazzy music, lots of hardcore, lots of metal and noise... but Melt-Banana sounds like nothing else on Earth. INTENSITY! like it or not, your presence is felt wherever you are. you got That Thing (i know i better watch out). likewise, when Melt-Banana is playing, people notice. you can't shake it. (to me, that's a good thing).

2. Your Name is Rad. tattoo-worthy, i might add. if i had any guts i'd rep you both.

3. The Songs You Sing Don't Make a Lot of Sense but They're Fun Anyway. i swear if i had a dollar for every doodoo song you ever sang, i'd be a zillionaire. but scatology aside, you have a knack for mangling grammar and inventing verbiage, the likes of which would make Pootie-Tang sign his pennies. similarly, Melt-Banana's English is beyond broken. you'd think over how many years and how many tours of the US and Europe they'd pick up a grasp of the language they choose to sing in, right? even if it is willful wreckage, respect: "Who wants to be in panic / Bugs are all in pancakes / We are all ecstatic."

don't you know no good?




really the only big difference between you two is that Melt-Banana can be an acquired taste. you seem to connect instantly with people (although you may not think so). and pretty much everybody that knows you thinks you're Awesome. but not everybody can deal with Melt-Banana. they are loud, raucous, and deal in barely-controlled chaos. for some, that don't fly. for others, it's delightful!

basically, you're (both) a hell of a lot of fun to be around, and my life wouldn't be the same without you.

KAB + MxBx = LRV(b)

More Good Advice

dancey dance! snackey snack!but don't bitey bite!

LRV, b

Sound Advice

as i hung up the phone just a bit ago, this song came to mind. there i was: driving (a shifter car), talking on the phone, smoking. not a great combo. add to that pockets of heavy rain and hydroplaning cars and a crackup is damn near guaranteed. luckily, i caught myself and decided to exercise caution. because, as you know, rain is a gentle thing... but not when you're driving. words to live by. but i'm home for the evening now, so call me when you get back to LA.

LRV, b

I've got a Snake In My Mind

keeping it short and sweet since you're out of town and likely won't have a chance to catch up for a few days. hope you're having a great time in Vegas. can't wait to hear all about your adventures!!

two last on the soundtrack/movie tip, both from Downtown 81. first, Melle Mel



and now, DNA



....and it's not in my spine

LRV, b

Dogs F'd the Pope, No Fault of Mine

have a swinging time!

LRV, b

Observance, Z-rn

this has been in our Netflix cue for a while but i still haven't watched it. as mentioned earlier, Zorn had a lot to do with my introduction to film music. he's scored scores of films, and his Filmworks series of releases are among his most consistent. in the 80s his film output leaned more toward his cut-up, fast moving style; colliding genres into bits, defying conventional composition. but toward the mid 90s there seemed to be a change to more thoughtful, pensive pieces as the films he'd choose to score were focusing on aspects of modern Judaism: faith and tolerance, faith and sexuality, even a couple of profiles on Jewish film icons; Marie Menken and Maya Deren.



all of these pieces are performed with uncommon grace. they are, like the people in the films, intently searching for answers, questioning and quietly seeking their place in the world. Zorn (which means "anger" in German, btw) definitely has a spectacular stable of artists which he uses -some of the best at their instruments, in my opinion- and they handle his compositions beautifully. (most of his collaborators, incidentally, are also Jewish. lends an elevated understanding, no?)



strange that for all of the crazy, alchemical and downright confounding music Zorn is best known (and most often maligned) for, it's the understated eloquence of his film scores that resonate the strongest for me. i may not identify with the struggles and the faith depicted in these films but i am grateful to be exposed to them through this music.

too quick a convo last night. hope we have a li'l more tonight!

LRV, b


PS: i want to go on record as saying that Trembling Before G-d is one of the heaviest albums of all time. not for being loud and thrashy but for devastatingly dark and affecting, (and with only two instruments: organ and clarinet). makes riff-and-shred sound like sandbox crying.

Two espressos, separate cups

thinking of recent soundtracks, there's only one that immediately springs to mind; the Limits of Control by Jim Jarmusch. granted, this is based on personal taste but i think it's one of the best compiled soundtracks in ages. comprised mainly of tracks by drone-rock masters Boris, amp-worshippers Sunn O))), and Jarmusch's own band, Bad Rabbit, it lends a very stoic film even more weight yet isn't all doom and gloom, as we've come to expect from "stoner rock". Boris, especially, seem to be in rather 'sunny' moods. Jarmusch always has chosen his music well. John Lurie scored two early films, Neil Young improvised solo guitar while watching Dead Man, the RZA did Ghost Dog, and his compilation for Broken Flowers is what introduced me, and undoubtedly many others, to Mulatu Astatke.

but specifically to Limits of Control, the choices work well on several levels:

1) there isn't a ton of dialogue in the movie, and what little dialogue there is is often cryptic instructions, cyclical conversations, and subtly humorous riddles. the music reflects a lot of these qualities in that it is, for the most part, drone- and repetition-based. themes are revisited often, yet not in such a way that the music becomes monotonous or predictable.

2) also much like the dialogue, there is a sense of something below the surface that the filmmaker would rather not reveal to the audience directly. to do so would crumble the film's mystique. the music, likewise, is full of gradually revealing textures; crescendoes which seem endless. catharsis is never quite reached, which keeps the suspense taught.

3) for such a languidly-paced movie, the perpetually-building nature of the music fits perfectly. visually, moreso than any other Jarmusch movie, there is a lot of open space and attention to architecture. the music reflects this in its vast, monolithic structuring.

4) the music provides a unique paradox concerning the lead character and his journey. on the one hand, the music, like the protagonist, is mighty and stoic. it moves at its own pace, not in any hurry to reach some answer or some validation. instead, it/he practices a sort of sonic tai chi; moving slowly, yet with purpose. on the other hand, the music is loud and absorbing. the protagonist is silently intense, saying very little. i get the sense that the music we hear is his brain in motion, his psyche's projection.

the film takes place in Spain (although it's never quite said), and there are several wonderful Spanish recordings and songs that kind of act as puzzle pieces in the movie. they carry just as much weight as the rock groups, too. it's certainly not lite fare. this is Carmen Linares, singing a song called "El Que Se Tenga Por Grande" (rough translation: "he who has greatness", which is a part of one of the recurring riddles.... "If you think yourself great man, then go to the cemetery. there you will see what the world really is, a handful of dirt.")



for a couple weeks, shortly after you left, i'd put this movie on nightly as i laid down to bed. not that it's a sleep-inducer (although, again, it moves rather slowly) but because of the music, the visuals, and the unassuming dialogue. i probably watched it two or three times, in chunks over a few nights. (i also watched Stranger Than Paradise at least once fully).

i miss you, and can't wait to watch movies with you again soon.

LRV, b

Song of My Heart's Composing

sorry about the ads

confession: most of my favorite film music was introduced to me by other artists. for example, early in my research of John Zorn i came across his tribute to Ennio Morricone. through that, and familiarity with The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, (my mother's favorite movie), i began to absolutely absorb Morricone. (Zorn also turned me on to John Barry --James Bond, A Shot in the Dark--, Serge Gainsbourg, Burt Bacharach, and T. Rex through three respective tribute compilations). i probably would not have taken Henry Mancini so seriously were it not for Fantomas's album The Director's Cut, which featured two Mancini covers. of course, the Fantomas versions are very much in their vein, but the strength of the material (always) begs further investigation.



before these, all i knew of Mancini were "Baby Elephant Walk" and "The Pink Panther", both extremely high on the cheddar scale. but i absolutely love the playful twists of the main melodic theme throughout the score to Charade, and the opening sequence of Experiment In Terror, the film, are three incredibly dark, deep and resonant picked-string tones, which then lead into this song. i'm fairly certain the instrument carrying the walking line in the 'theme' is a baritone guitar and not a bass. they recur throughout the film every now and again, as if the tones themselves are an element/harbinger of danger. i swear i could watch the opening 60 seconds of this movie for hours on a loop.

and i can't tell you how cool it is that you love these songs as much as i do. it's not everyday you can rap with a young woman about Mancini soundtracks, let alone a young woman who will readily sing a few lines when she finds them appropriate. it's just one of the many reasons i love you like a cat loves naps.

i have some exciting news today. will wait to tell you later. happiness!

LRV, b

Best Movie Songs (Screw the Oscars)

did you see the little montage they did during the Oscar broadcast about Best Song? of course, it focused mainly on recent winners; the hokey dreck that's passed off as 'inspirational'. even the President's Choice was abruptly edited! i say Balls to all of that, though. it's one of the biggest throw-away categories, in my opinion, because rarely are good choices made. with the exceptions of Eminem and Three 6 Mafia, they're always safe, always saccharine. and even the aforementioned rap artists, their inclusion seems both "willfully defiant" and expected. does that make sense? it's like Let's Give These Underdogs the Award Because We Want It To Seem Like We're Tuned-In To Pop Culture... yet still, Randy Newman has received 20 nominations.

film music is very important to me, as you know. looking now at a list of Best Song Winners and nominees, i can truly say i can only stand behind a few:

"Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head" (by Burt Bacharach and Hal David) from Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid
"Take My Breath Away", written by Giorgio Moroder and performed by Berlin, Top Gun, (the production seals the deal)
and "Shaft" by Issac Hayes

safe? not really... those first two might sound cheesified but given the context of the movies they were in ("Raindrops" in a cowboy picture, and "Breath Away" in a testosterone fueled jock movie, to which "Danger Zone" was a better fit) i think these songs are just as daring as any. and "Shaft" is simply badass.

but Best Soundtrack should also be considered. it sickens me that Trent Reznor won for basically having a boy's choir sing Radiohead's "Creep", and tinkering longingly on a piano. could i nominate something better? yes. Clint Mansell, who did Black Swan, did a wonderful job of weaving Tchaikovsky throughout his own narrative score and was robbed of a nomination. hell of a lot better interplay between source and product than Reznor's self-indulgent bullshit.

here's a short list of notable Best Original Score winners:

The Omen, Jerry Goldsmith, 1976
Purple Rain, Prince (Best Original Song Score), 1984
'Round Midnight, Herbie Hancock, 1986
The Godfather, Part II, Nino Rota, 1974
and Butch Cassidy, Burt Bacharach, 1969

it should be noted that they may have given Ennio Morricone a lifetime achievement award a few years ago, presented by an inebriated Clint Eastwood, but the Almighty Academy never graced him with an actual Oscar. nominated only three times, although having scored hundreds of films, he was beaten by good company (Moroder, Hancock, and somebody i don't know).

so here i will pay tribute to Il Maestro, with a hat trick of three of my favorite songs.



couldn't find the song by itself, so enjoy the trailer!




and one for for good luck, a film and score which are severely underrated


should we do film music all week? i think so!

LRV, b